Adventures in Criminal Dumbassery

Suppose you want the police to arrest you, but you aren’t quite ambitious enough to issue a death threat to the President. What to do? Well, How about:

  • Issuing a death threat to a sitting United States Senator (and his father, just for good measure)?
  • Leaving a message with the threat on the Senator’s office voicemail?
  • Asking for $3 million to “prevent the sun from blowing up?”
  • Doing all of this from your own home phone number?
  • All of the above?
  • Well, Nick K. Gates appears to be just that special kind of criminal dumbass since he left threatening messages against Ted Cruz at two of his offices under the name “Abolfanzi Akbori.”

    The article makes Gates seem quite the prize:

    In a June 10 interview at his Houston apartment, Gates told investigators he has spent 12 days in the Harris County Mental Health Center.

    Gates has a prior felony conviction for attempted retaliation, where he threatened the life of a Houston police officer and his child after the officer arrested him for driving while intoxicated, according to the arrest warrant. He also was convicted on the DWI charge.

    More information on this Super-genius:

    Upon further investigation, FBI agents in Austin learned that agents in Houston were investigating Gates for “threatening the life of a Houston based FBI agent.”

    Authorities also learned that Federal Protective Services Houston had an open case on Gates for “sending inappropriate emails and making inappropriate phone calls” to the U.S. Citizens and Immigration Services case worker who handled his immigration case.

    What a want to know is: With just a single felony conviction, wouldn’t our crazy, threatening felon be eligible for the Gang of 8 amnesty proposal?

    (Hat tip: Jammie Wearing Fools via Ace of Spades.)

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