The Return of Johnny Nuance

So Russia is conducting a piecemeal invasion of Ukraine.

And the American state department’s response?

Ah, yes, “working with Russia.” I’m sure that has Putin quaking in his boots. How are we supposed to “work with” them? By helping them carry the loot back to Russia? Can you imagine George H. W. Bush threatening to “work with Iraq on Kuwait” after Saddam invaded?

If Russia invades another country, will we work with them some more?

I’m sure at this point, Putin must be quaking in his boots in fear at the thought of Kerry deploying more diplomacy to his tanks. Likewise, I’m sure the people of Ukraine are deeply grateful for those C-130s filled to the brim with diplomacy we’re sending…

Given Kerry’s repeated threats of deploying yet more diplomacy to stop Putin, it’s time to break out Iowahawk’s classic Johnny Nuance, the story of a man fighting outlaws in the old west using only diplomacy:

Johnny Nuance! Johnny Nuance!
From the shores of Martha’s Vineyard he rode his horse out West,
With a treaty in his holster and a medal on his chest,
Bringing law and justice to a wild and violent land,
Talking was his creed and sanctions were his brand!

It goes about as well as you would expect…

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One Response to “The Return of Johnny Nuance”

  1. Howard says:

    No, Russia isn’t nervous. You know who is? Australia. And Japan. And the Philippines. China’s paying close attention, and already been getting away with mischief lately.

    Or Israel, for that matter. Our 51st state. They’re watching, and probably keeping the Samson Option at the ready, should it come to that. That thought alone should make D.C. nervous since they’d be in the crosshairs, but I’m not convinced they even realize it.

    This administration has pretty consistently taken a hard line against our allies, while going out of it’s way to be polite to rivals and enemies.

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