Posts Tagged ‘New York’

How Not to Commit the Perfect Murder

Sunday, April 13th, 2014

Here’s a pro-top for aspiring murderers: If you want to bump off your wife, don’t talk over murder methods with all the other paramedics you work with.

Despite which, it still took seven years to indict and convict the guy.

“Superstorm Sandy? I say ‘Super Lobbyist Profits!’”

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

“Good afternoon, and welcome to the Lipsky Extreme Lobbying Seminar. And by ‘Extreme,’ I mean both our proven seminar methods and the profits you’ll be raking in after you get out of here.”

“Is that why we’re wearing the shock collars?”

“Got it in one! Immediate, painful correction is necessary for maximum learning in minimum time. You’ll learn more here in three hours than three years of law school. Now, on to the topic at hand: Emergency funding bills. Today’s example: the relief bill for Superstorm Sandy. Now, let me ask you bright boys and girls a question: What should go in an emergency relief bill. Mr. Smith?”

“Uh, emergency relief for victims of AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

“Sorry, Mr. Smith, but Mr. Shock Collar says you’re mistaken. Anyone else? Mr. Dewey?”

“Whatever a lobbyist client pays for?”

“Ding ding ding! Correct on all counts! Now, can someone give me an example of an ideal item to put in an emergency spending bill? Mr. Smith?”

“Uh, $5 million for emergency power generAGGHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Sadly, it appears that Mr. Smith is a slow learner. Ms. Cheathum?”

“$150 million for Alaskan fisheries?”

“Correct! Mr. Howe?”

“$188 million for Amtrack?”

“Excellent! Mr Smith?”

“$20 million for tearing down flood damaged AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Why does learning have to be so painful???”

“Pain is just stupidity leaving the body. Mr. Solitary?”

“$600 million for a global warming slush fund?”

“Brilliant! That’s thinking big! Mr. Smith, care to give it one last try?”

“$188 million for hurricane cleanAGGGHHHHHHHHHH I mean tunnels! Random tunnels!”

“I’m glad to see that my proven learning methods have finally gotten through to Mr. Smith. Class dismissed.”

More Gun Control Follies Fallout

Monday, December 24th, 2012

The tide of “you must enact liberal knee-jerk gun control legislation now!” editorials from the usual suspects in the MSM seems to have ebbed for now, but the fallout from the Sandy Hook spree continues. Here’s a roundup of some of the more interesting and informative

  • You need to read this entire piece by Larry Correia, but this is one of the most important takeaways: “The average number of people shot in a mass shooting event when the shooter is stopped by law enforcement: 14. The average number of people shot in a mass shooting event when the shooter is stopped by civilians: 2.5″
  • Gun-control loving Chicago suffers 3-20 Sandy Hooks this year.
  • Yesterday: Liberals call conservatives “crazy” and “paranoid” for thinking that liberals want to take away their guns. Today: New York Governor Andrew Cuomo calls for mandatory confiscation of certain types of guns. (Hat tip: Alphecca)
  • The number of crimes committed by Texas concealed handgun License (CHL) holders is incredibly small.
  • How small? “Since 1996, when the law took effect, there have been 852,271 convictions of Texans under the 125 gun related offenses prohibited under state law, everything from Class A felonies like murder, aggravated robbery and aggravated rape, to relatively minor offenses like carrying a weapon in a prohibited place. Of those convictions, only 1,972 of them were of individuals who were licensed to carry a concealed handgun at the time of the offense, or roughly .19%.”
  • There’s a Texas school district where teacher’s are armed. Want to guess the number of shootings they’ve had?
  • Stacy McCain asks: “Why should the foolishness of Nancy Lanza and the evil acts of her son automatically impose limitations on people who are neither foolish nor evil?”
  • Why gun control can’t stop spree killings.
  • Some insightful commentary on the NRA from Sebastian: “You go to war with the NRA and the Wayne LaPierre you have, not the NRA and Wayne LaPierre you want. And we are going to war. We are arrayed against the entire left-wing apparatus, and they mean to extract their pint of blood.”
  • Advice on just how to write your congressman. (Hat tip: View from the Porch.)
  • This guy has some serious questions about the media timeline for the Sandy Hook shooting, but then ruins his credibility with 9/11 truther crap. I know that a lot of early reporting on shooting sprees in wrong (for example, almost all initial reports say that “police are looking for a second shooter,” who almost invariably doesn’t exist), but I do remember that all the early reports said the shooter used two handguns, but at some point that switched to all of his spree being conducted with the .223 rifle.
  • LinkSwarm for March 13, 2012

    Tuesday, March 13th, 2012

    A bunch of news popping up, including some from the Middle East:

  • Here’s the actual Dewhurst denial of the Tony Podesta/Democratic fundraising story.
  • A left-wing Irish documentary maker sets out to make a documentary about the plight of the Palestinians, but gets waylayed by those annoying facts, and instead decides to tell both sides of the story. Guess what? His friends aren’t interested. “The problem began when I resolved to come back with a film that showed both sides of the coin. Actually there are many more than two. Which is why my film is called Forty Shades of Grey. But only one side was wanted back in Dublin. My peers expected me to come back with an attack on Israel. No grey areas were acceptable.”
  • Israel and Hamas declare a ceasefire after four days of fighting. Honestly, maybe because I was traveling, or because I no longer feel the need to consult MSM news sources on a daily basis, I was actually unaware that there was slightly more violence than usual in the Middle East. The fact that Hamas cried uncle after a mere four days, despite the fact that Israel set it off by giving Hamas leader Zuhair al-Qaissi an express ticket to paradise, tells you that they must really have been getting their asses kicked by the IDF. Maybe Zuhair al-Qaissi really was important, or possibly Iran and Syria have had their hands too full to dole out the Qassam rockets with their customary generosity.
  • Speaking of Syria, Michael Totten talks to Andrew Tabler about what it’s like under the Assad regime in Syria, as covered in Tabler’s new book In the Lion’s Den: An Eyewitness Account of Washington’s Battle with Syria.
  • That whole “force Catholics to pay for contraception” deal? Turns out it’s not working out so well for Obama.
  • Eric Holder seems desperate to let illegal aliens vote.
  • Good evening, I’m Chevy Chase for Weekend Update. California is still screwed. So is New York. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
  • Forget TVs and car radios: The hot item for thieves these days is bottles of Tide.
  • LinkSwarm for Wednesday, March 16, 2011

    Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

    A few quick links:

  • Liberals are racists.
  • Big-spending Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez recalled from office by an almost 9-1 ratio. Alvarez was a RINO that acted like a full-bore Democrat, hiking property taxes and giving big pay raises to unionized public employees. (hat tip: Dwight.)
  • In New York, unions protect state employees who sexually abuse the mentally handicapped, even when they know they’re guilty. “That’s our job.”
  • A word on the media’s amazingly poor understanding of nuclear reactors.
  • My latest update on the Sendai earthquake/tsunami in Japan.
  • New York vs. Texas

    Sunday, December 26th, 2010

    Guess which one is the better place to live?

    When the Internet economy allows an increasing number of people to live anywhere, low costs win. Texans spend 8.4% of income on state and local taxes compared with 11.7% for New Yorkers. Dollars that would rent a fifth-floor walk-up in New York City instead can buy a small ranch and maybe even acreage in Texas’ suburbs, where prairie begs to be paved for another Applebee’s.
    Texas creates jobs like a fiend, in part because businesses large and small have no worry of obstacles such as plaintiff-friendly courts, consumer-friendly regulators or oversight-friendly lawmakers. Pro-business isn’t just a mantra; they put it in the water.

    Oil and gas still play a huge role here, but are increasingly overshadowed by technology, medical and defense jobs. Texas has more Fortune 500 company headquarters than New York.

    And Then There Was One

    Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

    The race between Democratic incumbent Timothy Bishop and Republican challenger Randy Altschuler for New York’s 1st first congressional district is the last undecided House race of 2010.

    Bishop is ahead by some 200-odd votes, but Altschuler has been gaining due to absentee and military ballots (despite New York sending troops ballots later than required by law). There are also appears to have been some voting fraud in the race.

    I expect this race to see quite a few court days before all is said and done…

    Republican Ann Marie Buerkle Takes NY25

    Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

    Republican Ann Marie Buerkle has defeated Democratic incumbent Dan Maffei in New York’s 25th Congressional District.

    That brings the total Republican House gains up to 63 seats.

    Man Confronts 20 Gang Members Outside Home with AK-47. Guess who gets arrested?

    Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

    Right after one of the gang members said “Oh you’re dead. I’m gonna kill your family and your babies. You’re dead.”

    If this was Texas, we’d be reading about how police arrested the gang members, or maybe how a grand jury no-billed the home owner after he ventilated the guy who just threatened to kill his family.

    But since this took place on Long Island, New York, you know exactly how it turned out: Police arrested the man defending his home with “felony reckless endangerment” for firing four warning shots into the ground.