The holidays can be a confusing time for some people. Especially if you’re “woke” and you’ve spend years reading articles about how you should annoy your relatives with your inane opinions about ObamaCare, global warming or Donald Trump. As an alternative to assure peace and harmony at your family Thanksgiving dinner, I offer you this alternative piece of advice:
Shut your pie hole!
Yes. Your pie hole. The orifice into which you shovel food. Shut it!
To elaborate:
Things that go in your pie hole today: Turkey, gravy, rolls, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pie.
Things that come out of your pie hole today: “Please.” “Thank you.” “Great dinner!”
Things that do not come out of your pie hole today: “Woke.” “Patriarchy.” “White privilege.” “Heteronormative.” “Trump.”
If you follow this one handy tip, you can make Thanksgiving more enjoyable for everyone!
Happy Thanksgiving!
About Lawrence Person
Lawrence Person is a political commentator and science fiction writer living in Austin, Texas. His political work has appeared in National Review, Reason, The Freeman, Liberty and The World & I. His SF has appeared in Asimov's, Analog, F&SF, Postscripts, Jim Baen's Universe, Fear, and several anthologies. He owns such a large library (mostly science fiction first editions) he had to buy a two-story house to put it in, and then adopted a golden retriever to drag him out of his house on a regular basis.
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