Interesting interview with actor Dax Shepard (Frito in Idiocracy) about recovering from addiction, and how addicts frequently hit several bottoms:
I’m doing everything I had dreamt of doing for 30 years. It all came true. And I am the least happy I’ve ever been in my life. I’m closest to not wanting to be alive as I’ve ever been, and I have every single thing on paper that I wanted. And that was a very weird…I feel grateful for this, because I was able to say something much more profound is broken. Because up to then I could tell myself “Well, if I had money, I wouldn’t need to do this. If I was doing the thing I wanted to do, that would solve everything.” I think a lot of us proceed through life thinking: We would be happy if, we would have self-esteem if, we would know contentment if. And those are illusions that most people don’t get to find out are illusions, and I got to find out it’s an illusion. I was lucky enough to have million dollars. My whole life, if I had a million dollars, like, do you know how I would feel if I had a million dollars? You know what my life would be like with a million dollars? Well, I had a million dollars.
Shepard also talks about how another friend in recovery came across his AA book (“the big book”), where he had written down the dates he had fallen off the wagon. Shepard saw it as a record of his failure. His friend found it inspiring, because he hadn’t given up.