Hey folks, there’s an exciting new Flu Manchu side effect: “agonizing penis pain“:
A man’s agonising penis pain was blamed on Covid infection, as docs warned of the rare side effect.
Writing in a medical journal, the Iranian team described how the virus led to blood clotting in the poor man’s shaft.
For most men (outside of an extremely narrow band of S&M fetishists) “agonizing penis pain” is generally considered “undesirable.” Mao Tze Lung is just the gift that keeps giving.
So I guess guys should take the vaccine to avoid this rare side effect?
Not so fast, bucko! When it comes to rare adverse effects in the male groinological area, searching the VAERS database for COVID-19 and “penis” brings up 11 records, including such phrases as “Penile pain,” “Penile vein thrombosis” and “penile haemorrhage.” A veritable buffet of “Do Not Want!”
It’s like a Monty Python skit.
John Cleese: All right, time for your vaccine!
Eric Idle: Is it safe.
John Cleese: Oh, totally safe, totally safe. (under his breath) Except for the horrifying side effects…
Eric Idle: What?!
John Cleese: Nothing!
Eric Idle: What side effects?
John Cleese: Nothing to worry about! Just a tiny number of cases of agonizing penis pain.
Eric Idle: What?!
John Cleese: Really, it’s only very small number of cases of profuse bleeding and absolutely excruciating pain in your standing hampton! Now roll up your sleeve!
Eric Idle: But I don’t want to experience agonizing penis pain!
John Cleese: Well, I don’t want to be allergic to soft cheese, but there’s just nothing to be done about it! It’s science! Now roll up your sleeve!
You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
I saw Agonizing Penis Pain open for The Genitorturers at SXSW.
— BattleSwarm (@BattleSwarmBlog) January 18, 2022
(Hat tip: Stephen L. Miller on Twitter.)
Tags: coronavirus, side effects, vaccine
Looks like one of these would come in real handy!
That Python sketch is outstanding, well done!
The ChiCom gift that keeps on giving!
The VAERS database is a cesspool of unsubstantiated anecdotes. Anti-vax propagandists need to stop pretending that any report in the VAERS database (1) actually occurred and is not simply something made up by some anti-vax troll or hypocondriac and (2) was directly caused by the vaccine.
VAERS has no requirements that either (1) or (2) occur before the information anyone submits to it is added to the dataset.
The last time doctors in Iran were considered credible sources of medical information was when, exactly? 100 BC?
There are “academic” journals that will publish anything that arrives with a check of appropriate value. Including medical journals.
Garbage in, garbage out.
There’s a meme in here featuring Weinstein, Gates, and the words “Agonizing Penis Pain,” and “jab,” but I’m too tired to find it.
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