Posts Tagged ‘Presidential Race’

Marco Rubio Suspends Presidential Campaign

Tuesday, March 15th, 2016

Better late than never:

Mr. Rubio, 44, was felled by many of the same forces that drove other contenders from the race: a deep anger at the Republican leadership, a level of mistrust among the party’s most motivated voters, a field of candidates splitting up the vote, and an inability to stop Mr. Trump from exploiting all those factors.

But Mr. Rubio also notably lacked what both Mr. Trump and Senator Ted Cruz could boast of: victories in a string of early nominating contests. Mr. Rubio carried only Minnesota, along with Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia, sapping his campaign of critical energy and fueling the perception — no matter how hard he tried — that he was incapable of winning the nomination.

He claimed to be the only candidate who could unite the Republican Party, but he could never unite enough voters behind him to persuasively make that case.

It’s either Ted Cruz or Donald Trump. Vote accordingly.

LiveBlogging/LiveTweeting the Election

Tuesday, November 6th, 2012

Congratulations to Ted Cruz and Tony Dale on well-deserved victories!

And on that bit of good news, off to sleep…

Weber beats Lampson in CD14.

Obama 303, Romney 203, Florida and Alaska undecided. And Obama is edging Romney in the popular vote as well, but not by much.

Fox calls election for Obama. Still not sure I trust the Wisconsin call. It looks like Romney may very well win the popular vote. Even so, I still don’t believe in abolishing the electoral college.

Fox calls Ohio for Obama. That may be all she wrote.

All annoying local news now.

PBS calls Iowa for Obama.

Obama still up .5% in Florida with 94% of the vote in.

Florida, Florida, Florida.

Any way this turns out, this is 1% difference election.

No, Romney playing the bio film at the GOP convention wouldn’t have made any difference.

AP RACE CALL: Romney wins North Carolina.

Maybe we should have nominated #Hypnotoad.

David Brooks (click) Elizabeth Warren (click) Crowd interview (click) Grrrrr

Whether Obama wins or not, GOP house should refuse to pass a debt limit increase, and force government to live within it’s means.

Hit my tweet limit!

[Swing state name here] Too close to call. Repeat as necessary.

Looks like it’s going to be a long night before this thing is decided.

7:23 Romney up in VA, FL too close to call, but Panhandle polls close late, and that’s Romney territory.

Everything in the battleground states is too close to call.

6:50 PM
ROMNEY: Kentucky, Indiana, West Virginia, South Carolina

#ElectionNightSurprises: Fox News calls race for Obama, ABC for Romney, CBS for Gary Johnson, CNN for Jill Stein, and MSNBC for the reanimated corpse of Howard Taft

Please note that I will be live-blogging and live-tweeting the election tonight as the returns roll in starting around 7 PM CST. Judging from my live-tweeting of the debates, there’s a good chance I’ll “exceed the tweet limit”, so you’ll want to check both places for pithy insight and wily snark.

Romney is Talking About Hope and the Future

Sunday, November 4th, 2012

Mitt Romney’s latest video, “Red Rocks,” talks about hope for America’s future:

That was posted yesterday, and already has over 117,000 views.

Obama is talking about revenge and rape.

Ohio: Mitt Romney is Drawing Crowds Like U2, Obama is Drawing Crowds Like Whitesnake

Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Romney draws 30,000 at single rally in Ohio.

(Pic via Brennan Hall (@bren_nan) on Twitter)

Meanwhile, Obama is drawing crowds in Ohio between 2,800 and 4,000. That’s a good crowd…for a Whitesnake concert. It’s pretty piss poor for the President of the United States of America. I guess it’s hard to draw a crowd when you already have the stink of failure on you.

(I would like to apologize in advance to any Whitesnake fans offended by crowd size comparisons to Obama. If you believe limited government, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy welcomes you whether you’re a hair metal fan, a brony, a hipster, a juggalo, or even a furry (I thought it best not to link anything for that one), as long as you’re voting against Obama!)

October Surprise: Cubs Not In World Series

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

Gloria Allred is getting ready to release her October surprise, and you won’t believe the magnitude!

Are you ready?

Brace yourself!

It seems that during the divorce proceeding of Staples founder founder Tom Stemberg 20 years ago, Mitt Romney may have misvalued the profit potential for shares of Staples, with the result that the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the small planet of Naboo. While the congress of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events—

Oh wait, sorry, I accidentally spaced out for a moment and started channeling the opening crawl from The Phantom Menace, probably because it was the only thing I could think of less interesting than a stock valuation issue from a 20-year old divorce proceeding. Indeed, if the general public is given a choice between ancient divorce/stock value questions, or Jar Jar Binks reciting The Federalist Papers, then meesa thinksa yousa gonna be called ona to deliberate ona thisa newa Constitution!

This is a game-changer only if the game is “see if you can bore yourself to sleep.” A real game-changer would be something like “In Baghdad in 1990, Tom Stemberg, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden and I all snorted blow off Fawn Hall’s ass.” That’s about as likely as Mila Kunis showing up on my doorstep asking to be my love slave. The whole reason Mitt is poised to win this thing (beside Obama’s mind-numbing incompetence and the senses-dulling numbness of the Liberal Reality Bubble) is because he’s no fun at parties. If he had any real baggage New Gingrich’s opposition people would have unpacked it a long time ago. He’s so clean he squeaks, which must infuriate Obama’s dirty tricks team to no end. “Damn your clean nose and upright moral values, you vile Mormon!”

Sure, illegally unsealing an opponent’s divorce records is Obama’s finishing move, but given the distinct lack of any prurient interest angle, even the most devoted Journolista will struggle to breath life into this pathetic non-scandal.

Messa thinksa yousa wasted a lota tima!

Hit My Tweet Limit Again

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

So I’ll post here briefly:

Romney Closing Statement: I’m optimistic. I want a strong, peaceful America. Obama will mean $20 trillion in deficits, more jobs. Washington is broken, I know what it takes to get us back. I can work cross the aisle. This nation is the hope of the earth.

Obama’s Closing Statement: It’s all Bush’s fault. Romney wants to go back to Bush’s failed 5% unemployment. I’ve got an economic plan that I mysteriously haven’t tried to implement. I want to turn our education over to teacher’s unions. I want to reduce the deficit, just like I’ve done the last 4 years. I will work every single day to improve my golf game. [Note: This summary may contain irony]

Bob Scheafer: We all love teachers.

Obama brought up the “failed policies” of Bush and now Romney is wailing on Obama’s economic record.

#debate Obama: Anyone can check the record. And the record is that Obama handed out crony subsidies to Democratic donor friends.

Romney Slays at the Alfred E. Smith Dinner

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Mitt Romney just kept slamming them out of the park at the Alfred E. Smith Dinner. “In the spirit of Sesame Street tonight, the President’s remarks are brought to you by the letter O and the number 16 trillion.”

Background on the Alfred E. Smith dinner.

(Hat tip: Ramparts 360’s twitter feed.)

Assault Weapons Vital Topic Among America’s 23 Million Unemployed

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

Hempstead, N.Y.: All across the country, millions of unemployed Americans expressed relief and gratitude that Obama finally addressed their most important issue at last night’s Presidential debate: assault weapons.

“I’m glad Obama is finally tackling assault weapons,” said Barbara Rheems, taking a brief pause from brushing her teeth in the 1998 Honda Civic that has been her home for the last three years. “I think that’s the greatest concern facing our country.”

“Thank God Nina Gonzales had the courage to ask about assault weapons,” said Richard Smith, an unemployed construction worker, speaking from the cot in his mother’s basement. “I can’t think of a single more pressing issue.”

“Assault weapons terrify me,” said mother Gladys Castle, who was busy preparing an “Obama soup” made from pilfered ketchup packets for her three hungry children. “I’m afraid that at any moment they might burst out of closets and gun safes and start shooting people.”

“Well it’s about time someone dealt with America’s biggest challenge, which is reinstating the Clinton-era assault weapons ban,” said Tom Feller, who spoke to us from behind his homemade cardboard WILL WORK ANY JOB/HAVE CHILDREN TO FEED/GOD BLESS sign. “The fact is that Americans just don’t need a weapon that has any two of a folding stock, a pistol grip, a bayonet mount, or a flash suppressor, and it’s high time we moved to disarm ordinary Americans citizens who purchased such weapons in a completely lawful manner.”

A CNN poll of America’s unemployed showed that assault weapons were far and away the most pressing issue this election, with 78% citing them as their biggest concern, while those who said that their top issue was forcing Catholics to pay for contraception were a distant second at 19%.

I Will Be Live-Tweeting Tonight’s Presidnetial Debate

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

Attention the Internets: I will be live-tweeting tonight’s debate between Romney and Obama. Tune in or follow me if you are so inclined.

Joe Biden’s Creepy Smile Take Two

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

The Night of 53 Smiles