Austin, Texas, August 1: Police at the University of Texas were stunned by horrific violence unlashed by the first day of the new concealed carry law taking effect.
A grand total of 537 fatal shootings occurred across the UT campus as minor disputes turned into deadly gun-battles, drenching the campus in a veritable river of blood. Another 932 students were suffering from wounds ranging from minor to life-threatening.
“I knew this would happen!” said University of Texas at Austin Anthropology professor Pauline Strong, surveying the carnage. “Putting guns in the hands of lawful 21-year old American citizens immediately turns them into crazed killers!”
With the smaller summer class size, UT police estimated that over 1,000 fatalities would occur on August 24, the first day of the fall semester.
“When will the madness end?” asked Strong. “Oh, the humanity!”
(Filed Under: Things That Never Happened)
Tags: Austin, campus carry, education, Guns, Parody, Texas, University of Texas