The Babylon Bee Presents The Second Civil War

Babylon Bee: “We Asked AI To Simulate If The U.S. Had A Second Civil War.”

Here are the results:

  • “In the city, we’re used to being able to burn down a target and no one does anything. I guess it’s different in the suburbs, though.”
  • “One of the big issues is how we hate guns. But the right loves them. I guess none of us considered how big a disadvantage that would put us in a civil war.”
  • “Many of the losing combatants fled to the far north. Starvation was rampant among them from lack of access to DoorDash.”

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    This entry was posted on Saturday, June 27th, 2026 at 10:42 AM and is filed under Democrats, Guns, Social Justice Warriors, video. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

    2 Responses to “The Babylon Bee Presents The Second Civil War”

    1. Malthus says:
      June 28, 2026 at 12:16 AM

      In Anglo-American history, civil wars occurred in 1642 and 1861. They were characterized by the way in which each treated the question of civil authority. For England, it was the question as to whose authority was supreme–King or Parliament. For the United States, the question involved federal sovereignty and state’s rights. In both cases, war was fought between factions of the recognized legal authorities.

      The rabble-rousing Left functions more like an auxiliary army of the Democrat party than as an independent political institution. As such, they are not positioned to engage in a civil war, properly understood.

      Their goal is to delegitimize ALL authority. Toward this end they attack the symbols if authority: courthouses, ICE detention facilities, the police, churches (e.g., St. John’s Episcopal Church in Washington, D.C.) and statues/monuments not because these are significant military objectives but because they represent the “forces of oppression “.

      It is far safer to attack symbols than to engage in armed conflict. In my experience, the radical Left is risk averse, preferring to have patsies and fall guys do the dangerous work and earn the prison time. This is no way to orchestrate a civil war.

      The Democrat party faces a dilemma because its own existence depends on submission to legal authority but its revolutionary elements are working to undermine the very authority necessary to the Democrat party’s continued existence.

      This is why John Fetterman and James Carville denounce their party’s Antifada wing. It puts their own interests at risk.

      Civil War, if it ever comes, will feature Bolsheviks purging Mensheviks–Zohran Kwame Mamdani defenestrating “Chuck” Schumer.

    2. Northern Redneck says:
      June 28, 2026 at 9:33 AM

      That video is probably the level of their not thinking this through. These clowns think that “fighting” involves yelling and screaming and waving pieces of paper. Leftists live in bubbles and so can self-marinate in their own delusions. Who will fight for them? In their delusional world, all of their crazy ideas are actually popular out there, so like Che Guevera they believe that all they have to do to start a revolution is… start a revolution. Another delusion is that all they have to do is point out the targets to the military – and since “they know” that the military is staffed by psychopaths who are in it just for the pure fun of killing people… they will just do it because they don’t care who they kill as long as they get to do it. Or maybe they believe that George Soros and co. will go Carthaginian for them and hire thousands of mercenaries to do their fighting for them…

      If there is a “Second Civil War,” it won’t look like 1861-1865; Chile 1973 or Argentina 1974-1975 is a more-likely prototype…

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