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Posts Tagged ‘Babylon Bee’
Fired Twitter Employee Applies For A Real Job
Thursday, November 17th, 2022Liveblogging the 2022 Election
Tuesday, November 8th, 2022Right now Republicans in 2022 are looking like a Kickstarter that hit their initial funding ask, but didn’t hit any of their stretch goals…
Republican John Kennedy avoids a runoff in Louisiana. NY Post/RCP: “Republicans were expected to pick up three Senate seats from Democrats, gaining a 53-47 majority after two years out of power, according to the latest projection by RealClearPolitics. The same outlet predicts the GOP will regain their House majority by winning at least 227 seats.”
“Democratic Rep. Elaine Luria has lost her bid for re-election in Virginia’s 2nd congressional district to Republican State Sen. Jen Kiggans. Luria, a veteran naval officer, was elected to the House of Representatives as part of a Democratic wave in 2018. In the past year, she has risen in prominence as a member of the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol.”
Yeah, you can see how important voters found the January 6 farce.
Going off to walk my dogs. Republicans had a good night, and will likely take the House and Senate, but not any better than you might expect in a regular midterm, and not nearly as much as you might expect with a president as unpopular as Biden.
Beto concedes. So long, and thanks for the $160 million!
Cahill, U.S. Marshall. Must be George Kennedy Night.
Paxton back up over Garza.
Beto O’Rourke’s livecam is running on a 56K modem.
Abbott giving a victory speech.
J. D. Vance projected winner in Ohio, and flip from the way-to-early returns.
Republicans behind in those south Texas US congressional seats.
Walker leading Warnock in GA. According to Telemundo. Because with mute, it isn’t any less informative.
The ABC network dude looks like he has a haircut from Frank Gehry.
Ha! DeSantis is WALLOPING Charlie Crist, 60%-40%
So far not a good night for Republicans in Arizona.
Eric Scmitt wins in Missouri.
Chris Sununu looks like football pundit Peter King.
Honestly, I’m seeing a red wave, but not the red tsunami some were predicting in the last week.
Williamson County judge too close to call. Possibly headed to a runoff.
Dan Patrick now up much more substantially in TXLT GOV race.
Kemp wins in Georgia. Barring any 3 AM pipe breaks.
Unfortunately, the Social Justice Warrior slate is up in RRISD races.
Six years later, and we’re still laughing at the Jeb! meme.
Pause while I get the doggies some food.
Now Patrick is leading Collier.
KVUE is talking as though Beto might win. Nah, he’s toast.
Austin commie twerp Greg Cesar is headed to the U.S. House. On behalf of Texas, we apologize in advance.
Garza up just slightly over Paxton. Still early.
KVUE’s team is sortof crap, but still better than anything else on.
Abbott only wolloping Bobby Francis by 8 points right now.
Collier/Patrick tied for Texas Lt. Gov. right now. Early votes tend to favor Dems, though.
Looking like an Israel-Watson runoff in Austin mayor’s race.
Democratic incumbent Bennet, he of the Presidential flameout, up big in Colorado.
Election coverage, or the car wash scene from Cool Hand Luke? Circle, verily you tempt me!
The people of News 24 are really blathering.
Back. Had to lightly punch someone up request.
Guam goes Republican!
Sununu, DeSantis and Rubio all winning headily.
Scury County recording ZERO votes for Dan Patrick? I call Shenanigans.
VA7 flipping red.
Chip Roy is crushing his opponent right now.
Too early for meaningful Texas results.
Stand by. We’re on the air.
CNN’s exit polls are disasterous for Democrats.
Charlie Crist: Less popular than Jeb!
Back from voting. I’ve never seen higher turnout for a midterm, and possibly never higher turnout even for a Presidential year.
“In a shocking turn of events, data analysts at Fox News have called the gubernatorial race in Arizona for Stacey Abrams.”
538 now gives Dr. Oz the edge over Fetterman. But is it beyond the range of Philadelphia fraud?
Californians Hit The Gun Range
Sunday, November 6th, 2022The Babylon Bee has been doing these “Californians move to Texas” pieces. Some are funnier than others, but I think this one of them visiting the gun ranges hits closer to the target.
Joe Rogan Interviews Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon On Trump Raid
Thursday, August 18th, 2022Joe Rogan and Seth Dillon have thoughts about the FBI’s raid on Trump’s house.
Are You A Woman?
Saturday, May 28th, 2022Are you a woman? Finally, a handy quiz you can answer in your own home without having to visit a biologist for the answer!
Musk Twitter Fallout Roundup
Tuesday, April 26th, 2022Following yesterday’s big news that Twitter’s board voted to accept Musk’s offer, there’s been a wave of reactions, from jubilation to absolute panic. We’ll sample some of those. But first a clarification: Despite the board accepting the bid, there are additional steps before Musk owns Twitter outright.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
As is customary once a company agrees to be acquired, the buyer gets to take a closer look at its books to make sure there aren’t any red flags that haven’t come up via the company’s public filings.
This step in the process isn’t likely to cause any obstacles for the deal, said Angelo Zino, tech analyst at CFRA.
“He’s acquiring this company, not from a financial perspective,” Zino said. “He’s going to do what he wants with it and he’s probably going to look to make significant changes to the business model of the company.”
WHAT SAY COULD REGULATORS HAVE?
Last year, Twitter generated $5 billion in revenue, with $2.8 billion from the U.S. and the rest earned overseas, Zino said. The Federal Trade Commission in the U.S., or the European Commission in the EU, are among regulatory agencies that may review the proposed Twitter buyout.
The main issues the agencies generally focus on are how the sale of a company could affect competition in an industry, or whether it violates antitrust laws.
These reviews can take months, or longer, but generally represent more of a potential hurdle when two companies in the same industry are combining, or in the case of a single buyer, whether ownership already has a large stake in companies within the same industry.
Neither Tesla, nor Musk’s other company, Space Exploration Technologies, or SpaceX, are social media platforms, so antitrust concerns are not expected to arise when regulators review the deal, analysts said.
“We do not expect any major regulatory hurdles to the deal getting done as this soap opera now ends with Musk owning Twitter,” Wedbush analyst Daniel Ives wrote in a research note Monday.
WHEN DO SHAREHOLDERS GET TO VOTE?
The deal is expected to close in 2022, subject to the approval of Twitter shareholders. Twitter hasn’t announced the timing of a shareholder vote, though the company’s annual meeting is set for May 25, which could offer a convenient time to poll shareholders.
A company can elect to hold a shareholder vote at any time, even before regulators have finished reviewing a proposed takeover.
Now, let’s tuck into some of the tastier reactions, starting with the man himself:
I hope that even my worst critics remain on Twitter, because that is what free speech means
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 25, 2022
🚀💫♥️ Yesss!!! ♥️💫🚀 pic.twitter.com/0T9HzUHuh6
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 25, 2022
Elon: I'm going to buy Twitter for $54.20 per share.
Twitter Board: No!
Elon: Yes.
Twitter Board: Ok.
— Michael Knowles 🫃🏻 (@michaeljknowles) April 25, 2022
Rogan:
.@joerogan Reacting To @elonmusk Buying Twitter
"That's f*cking amazing." pic.twitter.com/iDiG7Q9Ki9
— The Columbia Bugle 🇺🇸 (@ColumbiaBugle) April 26, 2022
Iowahawk:
resume update:
Conversation Safety & Quality Associate, Twitter Inc., 2018-2022. Created bold initiative that resulted in a net $10 billion gain in shareholder value
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) April 25, 2022
Remember why it happened. @elonmusk #GamerGate pic.twitter.com/v4nKf8NvDp
— The Patriarch Tree (@PatriarchTree) April 25, 2022
— Russell McGregor (@RussellMcGregor) April 26, 2022
Millions of Twitter users are upset today.
Not because they fear they will be banned or censored.
But because they fear the people that disagree with them may not be banned or censored.
— ZUBY: (@ZubyMusic) April 25, 2022
Elon Musk bought Twitter like an hour ago and Psaki announced the White House is already looking into reforming section 230.
Are you paying attention yet?
— John D (@RedWingGrips) April 25, 2022
For want of The Bee:
All Twitter had to do was leave the Babylon Bee alone
— Ryan Saavedra (@RealSaavedra) April 25, 2022
We @thebabylonbee writers are just hanging out in twitter jail, anything exciting happening on the outside? pic.twitter.com/EgwRMgIfUW
— Kyle Mann (@The_Kyle_Mann) April 25, 2022
A @TheBabylonBee update from Twitter jail pic.twitter.com/QucFX9wxMY
— Kyle Mann (@The_Kyle_Mann) April 26, 2022
Bots are out in full force pic.twitter.com/XxWMt5Ph6P
— James Lindsay, senior varsity James Lindsay (@ConceptualJames) April 25, 2022
Hey @elonmusk please see to it @twitter stops emailing me the "legal advisory" that by posting artist Bosch Fawstin's striking free expression, anti-Sharia blasphemy "law" cartoon I am in violation of Pakistan's Sharia "provision" against "blasphemy". Congrats & many thanks! pic.twitter.com/O43fdO3yS9
— Andrew Bostom, MD, MS (@andrewbostom) April 25, 2022
— Hodgetwins (@hodgetwins) April 25, 2022
The fat lady is singing. pic.twitter.com/YXMRrhKSg0
— LibertyJ (@LibertyJen) April 25, 2022
And a final word from The Babylon Bee itself: “Musk’s Twitter Purchase Fails After 138,000 Board Votes Found Overnight.”
Accounts Elon Musk Should Restore
Monday, April 25th, 2022Twitter, Inc. today announced that it has entered into a definitive agreement to be acquired by an entity wholly owned by Elon Musk, for $54.20 per share in cash in a transaction valued at approximately $44 billion. Upon completion of the transaction, Twitter will become a privately held company.
Under the terms of the agreement, Twitter stockholders will receive $54.20 in cash for each share of Twitter common stock that they own upon closing of the proposed transaction. The purchase price represents a 38% premium to Twitter’s closing stock price on April 1, 2022, which was the last trading day before Mr. Musk disclosed his approximately 9% stake in Twitter.
Bret Taylor, Twitter’s Independent Board Chair, said, “The Twitter Board conducted a thoughtful and comprehensive process to assess Elon’s proposal with a deliberate focus on value, certainty, and financing. The proposed transaction will deliver a substantial cash premium, and we believe it is the best path forward for Twitter’s stockholders.”
Parag Agrawal, Twitter’s CEO, said, “Twitter has a purpose and relevance that impacts the entire world. Deeply proud of our teams and inspired by the work that has never been more important.”
“Free speech is the bedrock of a functioning democracy, and Twitter is the digital town square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated,” said Mr. Musk. “I also want to make Twitter better than ever by enhancing the product with new features, making the algorithms open source to increase trust, defeating the spam bots, and authenticating all humans. Twitter has tremendous potential – I look forward to working with the company and the community of users to unlock it.”
Given the new management, here’s a short list off all the accounts the new regime should restore/unban:
That’s off the top of my head, with a few suggestions from people on Twitter. If you can think of additional people who need to be unblocked and/or have their Twitter accounts restored, note them in the comments below.
Edited to add