Every now and then a story comes along that you see isn’t quite right, and you correct it, knowing the correction will please absolutely no one, because truth is truth. This is one of those cases.
Sometimes, you have to be this guy.
In this case the subject is New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof’s absurd contention that Israelis train dogs to rape Palestinians. Everyone and their dog (oops) has already piled on the absurdity of the claim and just how devoid of supporting evidence Kristof’s piece was, with even New York Times reporters saying they’re embarrassed by it.
That’s not what I want to talk about.
Many pieces have gone on to cite ludicrous Palestinian claims of all sorts of trained animals working for Israel, like in this piece from The Hill:
In 2015, the BBC published the ludicrous claim that Hamas had seized an “Israeli spy dolphin” off the Gaza coast. Earlier, CNN had publicized Sudanese claims that it had captured an Israeli “spy vulture” on a reconnaissance mission. The BBC also ran a headline in 2010 titled “Shark attacks not linked to Mossad says Israel” and the Telegraph reported “Shark ‘sent to Egypt by Mossad.’”
Tiny problem: The idea that Israel is training spy dolphins is not, in fact, ludicrous, because the U.S. Navy does it.
Back when the Navy dolphin program was a hush hush secret, a friend told me about it, saying they would never send a dolphin on a mission where it was likely to get killed because it took several million each to train them. “They’ll just send a diver instead.” He also said that once some Greenpeace types has cut through the underwater retaining fence to free the dolphins, but the dolphins simply swam right back because of how well they were fed in the program.
What used to be a highly secret program obviously isn’t so anymore, because you can find details about it on the Naval Information Warfare Center Pacific’s website.
The Reconnaissance and Interdiction Division at NIWC Pacific manages the Navy’s Marine Mammal Program which trains bottlenose dolphins and California sea lions to detect, locate, mark and recover objects in harbors, coastal areas, and at depth in the open sea.
Everyone is familiar with security patrol dogs, and how some service dogs use their keen sense of smell to detect explosives on land. Since 1959, the U.S. Navy has trained dolphins and sea lions as teammates for our Sailors and Marines to help guard against similar threats underwater. The Navy’s Marine Mammal Program has been homeported on Point Loma since the 1960’s.
Now, I have no idea whether the Israelis train spy dolphins or not. It may not be cost-effective, since there are a lot more limited uses for them considering the regional threat domains they face. But the idea that the Israelis are training spy dolphins is neither “ludicrous” nor far-fetched.
Doesn’t mean Hamas captured one in 2015, since those Jihadi idiots lie about everything, but it’s definitely within the realm of possibility.
When else will I have a chance to generate a meme this obscure?
Tomorrow should see a return of non-Ackchyually content…
Tags: dogs, dolphins, Foreign Policy, Hamas, Israel, Israel-Hamas War, Jihad, Media Watch, Military, Naval Information Warfare Center (NIWC) Pacific, Navy, New York Times, Nicholas Kristof, Palestinians
But where is George C.?
Dolphins are used to detect naval mines, a dozen of which have been placed by the IRGC in the Strait of Hormuz.
There is no word yet as to whether Mossad will use this opportunity to unleash their spy dolphins but a dog that has been specifically trained to go rape Palestinians will likely find operating a mine sweeper to be a far more agreeable assignment.
The Russians use Beluga whales in a similar way.
“The Russians use Beluga whales in a similar way.”
They rape whales like dogs rape Palestinians?!
At a SE Alaska Northern Edge back in the ’90s we were providing opfor and had swimmers in the water at night trying to place “mines” on the ship. Memory is hazy but as I recall in open water they caught the swimmers fairly quickly, but the guys who worked their way under the piers for a kilometer or so made it in and out. I also have a vague memory of our guys being in the water a different night when the dolphins all swam to the ramps on their support boats to get out of the water. Our swimmers made the target. Of course, the dolphins apparently got out of the water because a pod of orcas had entered the strait. We were only informed after the fact.
Orcas primarily eat salmon, will occasionally kill a porpise but rarely attack swimmers.
But a desolate locale in a nighttime environment could lead your imagination to conclude you are in danger.
—“The Russians use Beluga whales in a similar way.”
They rape whales like dogs rape Palestinians?!—
No, no, no….they train the whales to rape Palestinians.
Now it makes sense. Its like the time Zeus took the form of a swan and raped Leda on the very same night she slept with her husband, King Tyndareus, which resulted in two distinct lineages being formed–Palestinian and Hebrew.
Now, according to Dog Rape/Whale Rape/ Swan rape theory, the Palestinians are the true heirs of Haaretz because they have Zeus for their father.
Um, are there even any dolphins in the Mediterranean?
Wikipedia, the source of all vaguely accurate knowledge, says yes.