So, I guess this counts as local political news. Of a sort.
Porn star Farrah Abraham—
Sorry, Not The Bee, I’ve got to stop you right there. Farrah Abraham first became “famous” as a reality TV “star” on the MTV show 16 and Pregnant, so she was already a trainwreck when first introduced to the public. Nor should reality TV participants be considered “stars” just because a few of them (*cough*kardashians*cough*) managed to breach the containment field to infect public consciousness. Being in the freakshow* doesn’t make you famous.
After that reality TV baptism (and I really don’t want to think about what fluids she’s been baptized in), Abraham went on to appear in a lot more reality TV: Teen Mom, Couples Therapy, Teen Mom OG, Celebrity Big Brother, Ex on the Beach. It’s a veritable buffet of Bad Life Choices on Parade.
And as for Celebrity Big Brother, that includes certain values of “celebrity” that includes no actual celebrities. The most famous celebrity in that show (indeed the only name I would have recognized before this election story popped up) is (to use the classic Fark description) “badly tattooed MySpace Asian dwarf Tila Tequila.” Ms. Tequila may have the same tenuous grasp on reality as Kanye West, but was, once upon a time was, it must be admitted, pretty hot.
No really, I have a reason for including this. It’s all downhill from here, folks…
Like Abraham, Ms. Tequila did porn as well. So presumably Ms. Abraham is also ho—
Agggh! Do not want! She’s like a checklist of plastic surgery disasters**!
Now, as for the claim she’s a “porn star,” both her Internet Adult Film Database (yes, there is such a thing) and Wikipedia entries mention two porn films: Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom and Farrah 2: Backdoor and More, both of which I’m sure are unsung cinematic masterpieces that just barely missed the Oscar shortlists for their respective years. But my point here is that two films do not a “porn star” make. We, as a society, must have standards, and we cannot debase them by elevating Ms. Abraham to stand with the likes of Nina Hartley, Seka, Jenna Jameson, and Savannah.
Standards, people! Standards!
I’m now 400 words into this post and only four of thus far have been plucked from the political story at hand.
Let us continue.
Porn star Farrah Abraham has announced she’s running for mayor of Austin, Texas, in 2026. Because, if we’re honest, that’s exactly the type of mayor Austin deserves.
The only problem? There’s no election in Austin this year.
TMZ: There’s some questions about why she’s declared right now … Farrah Abraham welcome back to TMZ … Sometimes people say the less you know, the more you like. You are now giving them many years to make a decision because the election’s not until 2028. Why do early?
Abraham: Oh, for some reason, the mayor election is 2026. I don’t know, that’s just what the office told me as well … I’m just going to be running for mayor which is 2026 …
TMZ: Farrah, we just got this in our ear, the election is in 2028 … I think you may have jumped the gun here.
This does not speak to close attention to detail.
Abraham has refiled the paperwork to run for City Council District 5, currently held by lefty Democrat Ryan Alter instead.
Also this: “Her website currently promotes her as a life coach, a standup comedian and an OnlyFans model.” I think most of you will have a row filled on your Bad Lifestyle Choice Bingo cards by now.
Speaking of that website, it can be found here. Since I think I’ve already shotgunned all the barrel trout as it is, I will merely note that much of its badly-designed-in-too-small-a-font verbiage seems dedicated to: A.) Kvetching at great length about how her paperwork screw-ups Weren’t Her Fault, and B.) Proposing a lot of tax and regulation subsidies and carve-outs for people exactly like Farrah Abraham (mothers and people who work off 1099s rather than W-2s). What all those proposals seem to have in common is that all are implemented at the federal level and none can be enacted by the Austin City Council.
Farrah Abraham is an unserious candidate for an unserious city.
*This is not to cast aspersions on real freaks, who, as Tod Browning has taught us, are just regular folk trying to play the cards they’ve been dealt as best they can.
**Not as good as Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables.